That’s right, the man who’s never served a day in his life reckons teenagers should be forced to join the military in a bizarre attempt at bringing back “national spirit”. 

The Prime Ministe’s plan would see every 18-year-old make the choice between joining the military for a year or volunteering one weekend a month for public service jobs like the fire brigade, NHS or the police. 

A spokesperson for the opposition sai: “This is not a plan – it’s a review which could cost billions and is only needed because the Tories hollowed out the Armed Forces to their smallest size since Napoleon”.

“Britain has had enough of the Conservatives, who are bankrupt of ideas, and have no plans to end 14 years of chaos. It’s time to turn the page and rebuild Britain with Labour,” the spokesperson said,

Keir Starmer, leader of the Labour Party, said that he would extend the vote to 16 year olds. Meaning teenagers could, in future, vote against plans to enforce military service. Starmer added that anyone old enough to work should be allowed to “have a say” in how their taxes are spent.

It seems that Rishi should consider the impact on national spirit that conscription might have, especially given that the vast majority of the people he plans on sending to the military are the ones who’ll be making most of the memes about him in.