The Real Love Boat S1E2 Recap: A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush Doof

A new single boards the Real Love Boat, a lying liar tells a lie and drama is ordered at our very first Captain's Table.

The boat is still recovering from a few of the boys shaking things up and selecting new partners. But the stars have aligned for Sari who initially wanted to partner with chef Paddy.

Sari has struggled so far in making a connection, as one of the more introverted singles in the group. Hoping to make a good impression with Paddy, Sari seeks out Moana for some flirting tips, writing down absolute gems such as "men like compliments".

The Real Love Boat Episode 2 recap sari taking flirting notes
My compliments to the chef.

Over in the boys' cabin, chef Paddy is less than thrilled with Dalton after he picked Moana despite Paddy regularly speaking about how interested he is in Moana. Dalton has no regrets, and he's also tall with abs so at this stage he really can do no wrong in our eyes.

Sally and Jay still exist in a time vortex, catapulted episodes ahead of anyone else. While we're still learning half the cast's names, we're already planning what we'd wear to Sally and Jay's wedding. They bond over their shared outlook in life that, in a potential partner, you must always look for the green flags and not just the red.

Speaking of red flags, Dalton sits down with Moana and spins a web of lies about Paddy, telling her Paddy is "off ya" and was never that interested in Moana in the first place. Dalton is a lying liar and can do no right in our eyes.

They're the same picture. (Image: Network 10/Disney)

Dalton's tactics work like a charm and Moana is furious with Paddy, having assumed that the pair had made quite a nice initial connection (which they had).

Meanwhile, Sari attempts to employ some of Moana's tips and tricks, complimenting Paddy by calling him the best of the "dirty leftovers". Her incredible compliments are interrupted when red cordial kid Tyler decides to do the worm.

The Real Love Boat Episode 2 recap: tyler doing the worm
Mum! Mum! Look! Mum! Mum! Mum! Hey mum! Look! Mum! You're not looking! Mu-

Hoping to impress, Sari calmly gets up and does the most elegant back handspring-y gymnastics move before she and Paddy joyously juggle oranges together (not a euphemism).

At the same time, Chris chats with a few of the others about the impending new passenger, wondering how people would respond if they identified as bisexual. Josh, Tyler and Katie admit they'd have no issue and Chris then comes out as bi himself.

Later, Katie says that Chris coming out as bi would be the same as "you saying you're a Virgo" which, depending on your view of Virgos, could have been a huge sledge. But Katie must love Virgos because the pair have a really nice chat and we finally get to see Katie vibing with someone on the boat which is lovely.

Before things get too cozy, Hannah and Doody gather the gang around the pool and introduce them to our latest arrival, Chelsea. She is gorgeous and tall, which means she and Dalton have so many things in common (two things). She also speaks about her journey to love herself, as well as her passion for Bush Doofs, she treasures the community spirit and loves that there's no judgement.

the real love boat episode 2 recap: chelsea bush doof
No judgement!

Later, Tyler also jokes that she always thought a bush doof was just a handful of people doing drugs for three days and getting naked in a field. Apparently, that's incorrect (citation needed).

Hannah asks Chelsea what kind of person she's looking for and she says she's looking for someone "from the inside out". Then she singles out Dalton because he is tall and hot. Dalton is thrilled and while Moana says something in response, Dalton cannot hear because he is shouting "Awooga, awooga!" and hitting himself on the head with a large cartoon hammer.

Moana hopes to grab Chelsea to "give her the goss" but they are immediately interrupted by Dalton who, just moments after sabotaging Moana's connection with Paddy, can barely be bothered to acknowledge Moana exists.

The real love boat episode 2 recap moana dalton chelsea love triangle
Pictured: A woman having a really good time definitely and not feeling awkward at all!

Dalton is stunned to find out that Chelsea has the same birthday as his mum. Chelsea and Dalton's mum are both Sagittariuses. Learning that was like learning that they're both bisexual.

Moana is clearly shaken up by this new arrival, but before she has time to impress Dalton by doing the worm or sharing a birthday with a second cousin, the women are called to the very first Captain's Table of the season.

The Captain's Table is where singles can pitch to the crew as to why they deserve one of the destination dates or an upgrade to the luxury suite where they can have uninterrupted time with their partner.

The boys gather in a cocktail lounge where Chris says he knows from his "experience with Captain's Tables" that the women will be in for a fancy evening.

No one questions why Chris has so much experience with Captain's tables.

The Real Love Boat episode 2 recap: chris captains table
How many Captain's Tables are you Virgo-ing to?

Sitting around the Captain's Table, the women begin to pitch why they want a destination date. Sari opens up about wanting to spend more time with Paddy but doesn't know if he likes her back. Katie pitches for time with Chris which we love after a brief shot of them holding hands made us believe in love again.

Naomi pitches for Dan and we have barely spoken about them but they are both tall and seem like they're having a good time together.

Chelsea pitches for Dalton because she has the same birthday as his mum. There's no joke we can add to make that factual statement any funnier.

Moana also pitches for a destination date with Dalton, but then also explains that she had hoped to continue exploring things with Paddy yet Dalton's goss put an end to that. The women around the table offer advice, cutting Moana off and explaining that she needs to talk to Paddy first.

The Real Love Boat Episode 2 Recap Moana storms out of captains table
Chris didn't warn us about how emotional Captain's Tables could be!

Overwhelmed by the wave of advice from everyone around the table, Moana says she feels like she's had "a lot more drama" than everyone else already and we're only on the second episode.

Moana breaks down in tears and walks out of the Captain's Table, and the rest of the women reunite with the men claiming that she has gone to bed. The boys respond that they had a "chill wholesome night".

Darren arrives to reveal who Hannah and Doody have chosen for the dates and suite upgrade. Katie and Chris get one of the dates, which is joyous news, as do Chelsea and Dalton which is also news.

The Real Love Boat Episode 2 recap: dalton and chelsea
"Hey, we saw you from across the ship and we really dig your vibe."

The third date goes to Sally and Jay, who we'll be honest, we forgot were still passengers and assumed had left the boat to go get married already, but we're stoked we'll get to see more of them figuring out if their connection really was love at first sight.

The luxury suite upgrade goes to Naomi and Dan which she's thrilled about, hoping that some alone time would inspire a special moment for their first kiss. The suite is full of champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries and rose petals on the bed someone's going to have to vacuum up at some stage and the romantic setting is perfect for Naomi's special moment she's been manifesting.

The Real Love Boat Episode 2 Recap luxury upgrade suite
The suite life.

The moment is so special it happens off-camera, but she excitedly vlogs about how she and Dan kissed on a bed with no rose petals, so we can only assume Dan wasn't in the video because he was off looking for the ship's green lid bin.

Next week, the three chosen couples go on their destination dates in Marsailles, and Moana attempts to get to the bottom of Dalton's web of lies.

The Real Love Boat airs Wednesday-Thursday at 8.30 on Network 10 and 10 Play on demand