If you were ever wondering how much it would cost to buy your true love the gifts from the festive 12 Days of Christmas tune, KPMG has run the numbers, and it will now set you back a whopping $248,250.

The bird-heavy list of gifts has jumped 9 per cent from $227,500 last year, according to KPMG Chief Economist Dr Brendan Rynne.

A partridge in a pear tree will set you back $256, with the cost of a pear tree going for $250, up 40 per cent from last year, while a partridge is nearly $6. Multiply that by the 12 days, which will cost you roughly $3,070 for the lot.

Turtle doves are quite pricey at $115.21 each, but they dropped 23 per cent from last year. To fulfil the requirements of the festive song, you will need 22 of these bad boys, which will cost $2,534.56.

The cost of French hens doubled since last year, surging to $16.36 a chook. For 30 hens, you’ll need to dish out $490.78. For the calling birds, KPMG based it on canaries, which at $70 a bird, will set you back $2,520 for 36 of them.

“We note there is a presumption of adequate local supply of some of these birds, which KPMG also appreciates may be incorrect, particularly given the regulations around the illegal transport of native birds for commercial purposes without a permit,” Rynne says.

The fifth day of Christmas is when the financial pain really kicks in. Due to investors purchasing gold as a hedge against global economic uncertainty, gold prices have jumped 30 per cent over the past year. So, for 40 rings, you will have to shell out $115,200.

If you were sick of birds at this point, too bad, because you’ll need 42 geese a-laying. At $70 each, the total comes to $2,940.

The most expensive avian creatures on the list are swans at $2,131.34. The 42 elegant birds will set you back an eye-watering $89,516.13.

Employing the eight milkmaids for five days on minimum wage will cost you about $7,327.20. To hire nine entry-level dancers for four days will set you back $8,109.36.

KPMG has based the wages of ten lords a-leaping as principal dancers. Rynne explained that although it could be possible to lure real lords to Australia from England, their leaping abilities may be hindered. “There’s none in Australia, but lords are doing it quite tough with changes to inheritance taxes in England, so they may be up for a gig here,” he said.

For 30 dancers over three days, you’ll have to pay $8,338.80.

Twenty-two pipers piping over two days will cost $5,207.40, and 12 drummers drumming will cost $2,989.92.

If you just so happen to have a spare $248,250 and want to buy your true love all that, I’m happy for you, but no one needs that many birds. No. One.