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Shoot for the Stars Golden Globes

Vanessa Cryer selects the glittering highs and clattering lows at The Side Project blog

I’ve always been unashamedly drawn to Hollywood awards night. I admit it. I love them like Carrie loves to stack. #carriestackmore

One of my favourites has always been the Golden Globes, because it brings together the stars from both film & TV & serves them alcohol, meaning you never know what sort of uncensored gold they may come out with. Even better, it doesn’t get bogged down with too many technical awards in the middle. It’s more like a “best of” highlights reel where you’re pretty much guaranteed to know the person getting up on stage to tearfully accept their honour.

Not to say behind the scenes people aren’t equally as deserving. They totally are. I always stay til the end of a film’s credits & actually pay attention. That’s respect.

And so I bring you some of my highlights & cringe-worthy lowlights from the 70th Golden Globe awards handed out yesterday, in no particular order:

1. Tina Fey & Amy Poehler were always going to be magnificent choices as hosts & they didn’t disappoint. They were sassy & hilarious, delivering pointed quips that equated torture with marriage to James Cameron, James Franco’s weird behaviour when he hosted the Oscars with Anne Hathaway – they even managed to get Daniel Day-Lewis to do the ET “phone home” finger. My only complaint is that we didn’t see more of them. 

2. Welsh goddess Catherine Zeta-Jones took to the stage to introduce a clip for Les Miserables & promptly broke into song. She seems to have forgotten that Rock of Ages wasn’t nominated. This was not your time, lady. Pipe down.

3. But at least she was prepared, which is more than we can say for Salma Hayek & Paul Rudd. They had one job - just introduce the nominees. When the autocue apparently failed, the two of them just stood there like mute idiots. Rudd finally broke the silence with a mediocre “Hello.” Then some more awkward silence before Hayek muttered a faint “Something about the best….?”. Wow, taking a real stab in the dark aren’t we, Salma?

Next time, hopefully they’ll learn to just say something. Or better yet, make like a John Cusack and Say Anything.

4. Julianne Moore won for her star turn as Sarah Palin in the made for TV success Game Change. When accepting her award, her first words were “My children will be so relieved!” Happy? Sure? Proud?? No doubt. But relieved? What kind of hell were those poor kids expecting if she lost??!

5. Star & creator of latest “it” show Girls, Lena Dunham, surprised many (ok, maybe just me) when she beat out hosts Tina Fey & Amy Poehler to win Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. But do me a favour, newbie. Don’t tell me you “didn’t think this would happen” then proceed to unfurl your pre-prepared acceptance speech. It’s trite & insincere.

6. Someone who did riff off the cuff, and probably wishes that she hadn’t, was Jennifer Lawrence. Her “I beat Meryl” gaffe when she hit the stage could have been an obscure First Wives Club quote, but when the clanger slipped out & the damage was done. Do you hear that?? That’s the sound of the Hollywood elite turning on you when you bag out one their most honoured actresses ever. J Law, as Will Ferrell anointed her, think of Meryl as Yoda to your young Jedi. You have much to learn. 

7. Speaking of Will Ferrell, he & Kristen Wiig also tried to wing it when they introduced Lawrence’s category & attempted to improv ridiculous plots for the nominated films. For me, this is where random improv went to die. Most cited this as the funniest part of the telecast, but I found myself waiting for the hilarity to kick in, given the scope of what the duo are capable of. Clearly,Tommy Lee Jones agreed with me

8. Watching Hugh Jackman accept his award for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical just proved that I will never tire of hearing how much he loves his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness. His speech was eloquent, appreciative & charming as he thanked his supporting cast & team of executives. Then he went on to praise his lady love as “the greatest woman in the world” & to admit that she is “always right”. Cue men everywhere plotting his death or at the very least, wanting to revoke his man card.

9. Adele’s acceptance speech for Best Original Song was also one of the most down-to-earth moments of the ceremony, with the new mum announcing in her delightful Cockney accent that she & her friend ”were pissing ourselves laughing!” (or should I make that “larfing”?) as they enjoyed a night out with the A-list crowd. Completely unabashed which made her all the more endearing.

10. And finally, to my ultimate moment of the Globes, my beloved Ben Affleck winning Best Director for Argo (which also took out Best Film-Drama), despite his recent Oscar nomination snub. The man is a superstar, and though he spoke with the rapidity of someone on speed, you couldn’t deny his genuine shock & gratitude at being honoured.

Hey Academy voters, how do you like them apples??

The opinions expressed in The Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Project or the Ten Network.