Don’t holiday in the first place. It’s a sign of laziness.
But if you are going to, and you’re thinking of telling your wife it’s a business trip, don’t pack your swimsuit. You're practically inviting your family along too.
Do take advantage of the fact you’re not paying your hotel’s utilities bills. Turn all lights on, the aircon up, and bag the toiletries before you’ve even had a chance to sniff the 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner and body wash. (The staff will think you’ve used them and put new ones out).
Don’t be a sucker, don’t pay a cent more than you have to. And certainly not for snacks you don’t need, because you’ve got a handbag full of snacks you brought from home.
Don’t pay for towels when there’s a perfectly good – and free – body-dryer in the sky.
But don’t use it too much.
See those wild rollercoaster’s in the distance? That’s an amusement park and entry is a rip off. Don’t go there. But Do spend as much time as you like riding the free shuttle in the car park.
Resorts are notorious for crime. Don’t let your handbag out of sight, even while having a massage.
It’s important for people to relax. Do try to convey to your wife that free time doesn’t have to be spent “marinating meat or driving”
But remember, failing to be as savvy as your wife will cost you.
Don’t lose your cool when everyone realises you were right all along.
And be careful when using God’s towel.