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Someone Made A Christmas Song For Dogs And We Can't Work Out Why

It's the answer to the question nobody asked. It's the solution to the problem no-one has. It's designed for the niche consumer market that doesn't exist.

Someone, perhaps a team of crazed scientists in a mountain lair, has written a Christmas song... for dogs.

The song is called Raise The Woof! and can be found here, but please, listener discretion is advised because it's very, VERY annoying...

It was apparently created using "scientific research" by a team of "experts" to be the perfect thing for your pooch to vibe out to.  But this is the one time in 2020 where it might not be wise to trust the word of the experts. There are so many questions raised by this abomination of a song, including:

  • Why do dogs, an animal that has no concept of Christmas, need a Christmas song?
  • What enjoyment would a dog get out of a song that issues a string of random commands with no payoff  like "sit" and "let's go walkies"?
  • Why do dogs, who have no conception or understanding of music, need a song about anything?
  • And finally... HOW IS THIS EVEN A CHRISTMAS SONG? There's literally nothing about Christmas in it!!

But why stop there? If we have a Christmas song for dogs, why not a Hanukah song? I mean we are making a big assumption that dogs love Jesus, what if the dogs are Buddhist or Sikhs?

And what about other holidays? We should have a dog Easter, dog summer solstice, a dog version of May Day where working dogs protest bourgeoisie dogs, or a dog version of Halloween where we dress up our dogs and let them roam free in the neighborhood, begging for treats.... Ok, that last one would actually be amazing.

Hallo. Did someone order a heckin' spook??

But having said all that, as absurd as the doggie Christmas song is, it does have one thing going for it: its creation gives journalists around the world an excuse to be scrolling through cute stock photos of dogs in Santa hats for a full day, so that's a win for everyone. Here's some more for your viewing pleasure. It's been a ruff year. Enjoy!!

Someone get that cat outta there!!
Hello fren you have been blessed by the furry Xmas wizard.
STRESSMAS MAKES ME DOG TIRED.