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Shoot for the Stars November 2013

Some salacious gossip from the pen of The Project’s purveyor of pop culture, Vanessa Cryer

PICTURE: Chris Hemsworth: More god than man

Seth Cohen engaged to Blair Waldorf

In a gift from the teen TV gods, news this week that Seth Cohen really DID get the girl – just not the one from his own TV show. Back in the early 2000s, viewers were hooked on the teen drama “The OC”, and sure the main characters were moody Ryan & drama queen Marissa, but most people were instantly drawn to lovable geek Seth Cohen (who else could invent Christmukkah) and his quest to win the heart of Orange County Princess, Summer Roberts. Whilst the actors Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson dated in real life, and their character had a fairytale wedding in The OC finale, news comes this week that Adam Brody has swept another TV princess off her feet – Leighton Meester, AKA Gossip Girl’s Blair Waldorf. 

Now if you’re about to tell me that Dawson is set to marry Felicity, or Katie Holmes could hook up with Scott Wolf, I’m gonna fully lose my sh*t.


Kanye West’s “Bound 2” music video released

In a major case of UBER WTF?! Kanye West has released the music video to accompany the release of his new single “Bound 2” featuring his beautiful wife-to-be, Kim Kardashian. The idea of them teaming up is not the WTF-ery I have issue with. They’re happy, they’re in love.  That’s all totally awesome. But then they made THIS video.

For those of you not brave enough to click the link, let me paint you the picture. The opening scenes look & sound like a motivational video – there are snow-capped mountains & sunsets, an eagle soars over an Arizonan desert that looks to be sketched from Derwent pencils and soon there’s a bunch of wild horses roaming free. It’s bordering on Lion King territory and you’re half expecting some Elton John tunes to kick in. Instead, we’re hearing a sample of an original song called Bound by a little known ‘70s soul group, the Ponderosa Twins Plus One, with some extra vocals by funk artist Charlie Wilson. There’s nothing wrong with these tunes, but the combination of these mixed with the cheesy visuals and you’re questioning whether this is even a Kanye song.

Then what can only be described as the devil’s interpretation of a palatable music shift takes over & out of nowhere, the man himself appears.  All of a sudden, Kanye’s in front of a sketchy green screen “riding” a stationary motorbike, soon joined by a near-naked Kim leaning way back over the handlebars to have her assets bound along with him. Geddit?? Cos the song’s called “Bound 2” –I know right? They really dug deep with their symbolism.

Soon they’re gyrating in time together aboard the bike as the song continues to juxtapose snippets of the aforementioned sample as Kanye waxes lyrical with as much subtlety as his ego allows. 

Cut to more of Kim’s coy smiles to really ram home the selfless nature of such lyrics as “have you ever asked your bitch about other bitches?” and other love-soaked phrases such as “I want to f**k you hard on the sink. After that, get you something to drink” and we get a magical insight into the beauty of their relationship.

But my personal favourite is how he throws in yet another musical sample, that of 50s songstress Brenda Lee cooing “Uh-huh, honey” every 30 seconds or so which alters the innocent connotation from the original track “Sweet Nothings” into something quite different when paired with Kim’s very own heaving set of Ponderosa Twins.

UPDATE: While the video could easily have been deemed a parody of itself, it's quickly been given the James Franco and Seth Rogen treatment...


Sexiest Man Alive

Each year the US People Magazine crowns its Sexiest Man of the Year, an honour previously bestowed to the likes of Denzel Washington, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Matt Damon & most recently Channing Tatum. There’s always as many critics as there are fans of the winner when the time comes for People to name their man, and this year was no different as the title went to Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine.  Some called him too scrawny to take it out whilst others were heard screaming “WHY?!” when their beloved Ryan Gosling was overlooked yet AGAIN in one of the year’s biggest travesties. And I thought Ali missing out on the Final 2 of The Bachelor was gonna be this year’s biggest shock. 

Undoubtedly such a win always leads to a debate of “could have been/should have been” winners, and so I give you some of my worthy contenders:

Chris Hemsworth – Because why shouldn’t the rest of the world seethe with jealously over the awesome breed of men we can lay claim to? He’s got that loving family man thing down which is about as charming as it gets & he just so happens to look amazing with his shirt off whilst swinging a giant Norse God hammer. Go Aussie Go!

Ricky Martin – I believe the time has come for an openly gay man to take the crown, and I’d love to see my Bon-Bon shakin’ Puerto Rican take it out. I recently saw him perform in Australia after a 10 year hiatus and the 15,000 crowd went nuts.  The combination of talent & raw sex appeal is undeniable & infallible.

Jimmy Fallon – Because funny is sexy and no one is funnier than this man. Host of his own late night chat show, he can do it all. He counts Drew Barrymore & Tina Fey as two of his best friends & can totally hold his own alongside Justin Timberlake. The man’s a comic genius and looks great in a suit. 

Henry Cavill – Speaking of looking great in a suit, this man & his spectacular physique defined Superman earlier this year, when he donned the blue tights & red cape in Man of Steel. Though he was born in the UK, there was never any doubt he was destined to play the American icon – he looks like a real life Disney prince, being all tall, dark & ruggedly handsome with that defined jaw & chiselled good looks. I bet he can dance too.

Dean Cain – But if we’re going for Superman, then why not give it to my beloved Dean from TV’s Lois & Clark?? Because you know everyone loves a comeback.

As The Project’s resident music chick, Ness selects the show’s music. Follow her on Twitter @lochness007.

The opinions expressed in The Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Project or the Ten Network.