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Coffee Snob Denies Date At Starbucks

It's tough out there for singles.

Another day, another tale from the dystopian hellscape that is online dating.

The coffee shop is a famous location for dates. You can get coffee, you can chat, you can get a mocha, you can chat, you can get a latte, you can chat… if the whole thing goes well soon you’re five coffees deep and left both shaky and in love.

But when Colleen matched with someone called Matt on Hinge – ‘The dating app designed to be deleted’ their words not ours – and suggested grabbing a coffee at Starbucks to get to know each other better, she had no idea she was talking to the coffee king himself.

Fair bit to unpack here. Matt’s judgement is typically reserved for hipster baristas who think caring about a vibe is the pinnacle of taste itself, but I think use of the term ‘finer things in life’ screams upper-class snob with no friends. Or at least someone who is desperately trying to keep their claws sunken in at the top of the class system.

Frankly, Matt’s single reply of ‘Hi there!’ doesn’t scream ‘I am someone worthy of a certain type of pursuit!’ Nor give it give any kind of indication of personality. If anything, he should have stated he was typing the message while atop a thoroughbred horse.

And because ‘Hi there!’ is so vague Colleen’s instinct of meeting at a very popular location for a first date is an excellent choice, without too much outlay if the sparks don’t fly. But what would I know, I’m middle class.

The good news is when it comes to being petty, Matt isn’t a quitter.

Colleen has since blocked his number, and almost certainly deleted Hinge but probably not for the reasons Hinge wanted it to be deleted.

Our thoughts to all singles during this time.