You have got me good & worried, girl. You’re about to turn 27 & yet those makeover pics you’ve been posting on your Twitter account make you look like a cougar trying to regain her youth, rather than someone in the prime of it.
I first noticed you in What a Girl Wants, where you played a young American girl tracking down her English father. True, this was during my “phwoar Colin Firth is HOT” phase after Bridget Jones’ Diary & I was happy to watch anything he was in, even if he was playing second fiddle. Not to say that I don’t love a good teen comedy. In fact I love them A LOT.
But I digress.
I knew you were more than some other Disney girl trying to make it big – at the time the media was building a substantial rivalry between Hilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan, and you sort of managed to slip under the radar of teen queens. In a good way.
Then you were cast in She’s the Man, a modern retelling of the classic Shakespearean play Twelfth night, opposite none other than Magic Mike himself, Channing Tatum.
Like many others, I saw you as the next Sandra Bullock, Lucille Ball & Julia Roberts all rolled into one. You have leading lady potential & are hilarious to boot. You’ve got it all, & I was rapt to see you being all scene-stealing in Easy A, alongside another up & comer, one Emma Stone.
Whilst the lovely Ms Stone was catapulted into the Hollywood A-list, along with the likes of Jennifer Lawrence & even Blake Lively, you decided to announce that you were retiring from acting & moved to New York soon after to pursue a career in fashion.
Is this why you were snapped leaving a clothing boutique after allegedly locking yourself in a changing room for a couple of hours?? For the love of fashion?
Anyhoo, it was unfortunate that you then also had a couple of driving mishaps including a DUI, licence suspension for a couple of hit & run related incidents & side-swiping a cop car, so perhaps a change of scene was just what you needed.
But instead of pulling it together, the crazy & incoherent tweets increased as did your random behaviour.
I really hope this is all just some outlandish, faux meltdown a la Joaquin Phoenix.
Just last week, you tweeted to rapper Drake that you wanted him to “murder your vagina“.
Lady, that is no way to speak about your lady parts. To anyone. EVER.
Sure, you’re allowed to quit acting (although it’d be a massive shame cos I reckon you could be like another Disney princess turned Oscar darling, Anne Hathaway, and be the name everyone’s re-tweeting for all the right reasons) but please don’t be THAT girl. The girl that is famous just for being famous & thinks designing bedazzled dog collars makes her a fashionista.
And whilst I’m not saying that you have to be a role model for children, because God knows you’re allowed to live your own life based on your terms & not someone else’s, I’d really love for you not to end up as a punchline.
Think about it, k?
You can follow Vanessa on Twitter @lochness007.
The opinions expressed in The Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Project or the Ten Network.