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The Bro Code: Etiquette For The Respectable Bachelor

The art of being a ‘bro’ is a fine one. Some are born bro, others achieve bro-ness, and some have bro-ness thrust upon them. But one thing is common between the different breeds of bro: the sacred Bro Code.

Inviolate, immaculate, the Code has lasted through the centuries, turning regular lads into Bloody Legends. On the premiere episode of ‘The Bachelorette,’ the Code can be observed in full swing. We at The Insider have analysed the rules and tenets of this iteration of The Bro Code to help you, the viewers at home, become Bros.

1. Do Not Talk About Bro Code

Bros do not talk about the Bro Code. It is something that is just ‘known’ and internalised, thus making it useless (and frankly embarrassing) to talk about it with fellow bros. This article, of course, is not ‘talking’ about the Bro Code but writing about it (a convenient exception).

2. Don’t Interrupt Designated Flirting Time

The golden rule. Both inside and outside the Bachelor Mansion, quality one-on-one time with a love interest is priceless. So when you and your bros are all gunning for the same gal, don’t be conflictuous (looking at you David) – be courteous. Don’t butt in. Don’t linger. Don’t try to be sneaky and bring them drinks then sit down. Even if you think her suitor doesn’t suit her, you must not ‘cut anyone’s lunch’ under any circumstances.

Violators of Rule No. 2 must be referred to as ‘Code Breakers’ indefinitely and victims of a ‘Code Breaker’ must yell out “Hashtag Devo.”

3. Peacocking is OK

Although Rule No. 2 stipulates no interruptions, peacocking and attention-grabbing is generally considered sportsmanlike. There’s nothing wrong with showcasing your talents. Each bro has his own unique talent, but here are some suggestions that are guaranteed to impress:

  • Origami
  • Guitar playing
  • Owl training
  • Head/hand stands
  • Being really really really ridiculously good-looking
  • Pretending to pull your thumb off and putting it back on with sleight of hand
  • Skating

4. Bro Your Own Way

The Code emphasises individuality. Variety is the spice of life, and nicknames and catchphrases are cumin and paprika. Embrace your Bro-ness by adopting a unique nickname to suit your personality. Some examples are Rose Guy, Girlfriend Guy, Big Tone, Big Sash, Full-Blown-Legend and Zoolander. After you have decided on a nickname, craft a catchphrase to cement your Bro identity. A few good suggestions are ‘Cool Bananas,’ ‘Aye Carumba’ and ‘Ridici-Donkey.’

5. Accept Defeat Graciously

If you are bested by another bro in your pursuit of a lady love, job opportunity or last piece of food, accept it like a real bro. Don’t complain, don’t make excuses, just keep your head high and keep on trucking. There’s always next season of The Bachelorette.