Week two is upon us, and Osher wastes no time in producing a date card for Bachelorette inspection.
It’s the moment of truth, and Keira can handle it.
Unless her name isn’t called. Then she’s “probably gonna be pretty unhappy about it”. It isn’t. And she is.
Megan will be Richie’s lucky lady to be. She’s so excited that her stylists issue a severe hair-nado warning.
Megan: Because she’s worth it.
Embracing his love of heights, Richie literally “takes things up a notch” by treating Megan to a date on a sky swing. “I feel like we could do the Titanic thing,” he says, presumably suggesting a sunset pose, and not that they get Irish jiggy with it.
“A spectacular moment with a spectacular girl.”
At the mansion Keira teases a group date card, proceeding to read the names contained therein with relish.
Now back on terra firma, Richie and Megan continue to connect. She’s a fan of action. Grand gestures. Actions speaking louder than words. So Richie pays lip service…
Kiss and a miss! Megan parries his advance with her cheek. An unanticipated rebuff that even she can’t fathom.
Only momentarily deterred, second time’s the charm…
Meanwhile, it’s time for the Bachelorettes to get their skates on - it’s roller derby time!
“I’m gonna break a bone,” says Alex, failing to specify if that’s a fear or a threat. One thing’s for certain…
Anticipating possible bodily hazards, Richie has a surprise up his vest: sumo suits.
Game on. There’s blocking. There’s jamming. There’s the least intimidating move in the roller derby playbook, the ‘dying cockroach.’
Despite exhibiting acute symptoms of group date intolerance, Keira manages to push past the disdain barrier to score, but it's ultimately not enough to topple Team Bangers and Smash. Their prize: a private street party, complete with Richie and refreshments.
Richie uses this quality time to get to know more about the Bachelorettes. Like, Janey will do anything for love, but she won’t do sports.
The gang’s back together at the Cocktail Party. Theme of the night: every (white) rose has its thorn. Alex is sensitive to Bachelorette concerns, but Richie wants some alone time, so, sorry sisters.
The Rose Ceremony arrives, and the tension is palpable. The unfortunate non-recipients: Tolyna, Tiffany and Janey, who exits the mansion without the fairy tale ending she came for, but with one extra shoe.
Coming up in episode four... Splashing around, a ballroom blitz, and the one-on-one you’ve all been waiting for.
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