Over the last few weeks, Roxi had built one of the stronger connections with Locky, but a final heated Cocktail Party saw her quite literally flip the bird to the Bachelor Mansion, walking out after yet another clash with Juliette.
Telling 10 play that watching the show back has been littered with “cringe moments”, Roxi said she did get a few kicks out of some of the comments she completely had forgotten about.
“The Cocktail Parties were difficult for me to watch,” she added, “because I don’t remember carrying on so much. Watching it back I probably shouldn’t have taken it that far.”
Roxi explained that cocktail parties can so easily get heated as all of the Bachelorettes are on edge with a Rose Ceremony just hours away.
“Anyone could be going home, no one’s really safe. You’ve seen girls go home you thought were going to make it to the very end so that’s weighing on the back of your mind,” she said, adding, “There were a couple of little dramas going on behind the scenes before the Cocktail Party, before the cameras were rolling that put me on edge.
“It felt like that was happening every week and, I don’t know if that was planned to make me react a certain way from some of the girls, but definitely emotions were very high and I was the most emotional one in the house,” Roxi continued. “Of course I was the one to react the most.”
For the 29-year-old, when the series went into a production halt due to COVID-19, it was a “blessing in disguise” and an opportunity for Roxi to ground herself.
“I think I lost myself a little bit in the house,” she said. “I’m an emotional person but I think in there it was like times 1,000. When I came home I snapped out of it a little bit.”
But the other change was in her and Locky’s connection — or at least their rate of communication. While initially there were rules in place for how often or when Bachelorettes could contact Locky. When those rules changed Roxi said she hesitated to reach out more.
“I was in the mind frame where I was like okay, I’ll just do what I’m told. So I didn’t talk to him that much [during lockdown]. There were some messages and maybe two phone calls. I just assumed everyone was in the same boat.”
When they returned to filming Love in Lockdown and other Bachelorettes spoke about how often they were hearing from the Bachelor.
“It definitely changed how I felt because, in the Mansion, I was in this little bubble and you forget about everything else. You’re so focused on this person.
“When you come home, you have access to friends, family and you’re comfortable. You go back to work. I snapped out of it a little bit and settled into my everyday life again. I started questioning myself about how I was feeling. Did I just get caught up in everything? Or do I actually feel this way?”
By the time Osher announced the Bachelorettes would be returning to the Mansion, Roxi had a lot on her mind. Having reevaluated her feelings, she was also reeling from the last Rose Ceremony.
“When he sent Nicole home I was livid,” Roxi said. “I was so upset he had sent someone like that home over a girl like Juliette who was stirring up stuff at the Cocktail Parties.”
Knowing that she would be returning to the Mansion, and so would Juliette, Roxi said she was already stressed at the thought of having to have another face-off.
So where did the beef with Juliette come from?
“I honestly think it came from day one,” Roxi explained.
“You’re not going to get on with everybody in the house, I understand that. Unfortunately, she and I did not click at all and I felt like all season she was taking digs at me at every opportunity she could get, and I don’t understand why.”
After Roxi snagged a date extension following an American football group date, the following cocktail party saw her anxious that Juliette was about to “throw her under the bus”. From there, the rift between the pair grew further and further, with fights breaking out both in-person and across video chats while in lockdown.
Since filming the pair have apparently not spoken, with Roxi saying Juliette blocked her on social media.
“I thought about whether or not I should try and be the bigger person but I think that was buried when she blocked myself and whoever else on social media. It’s important I share my side of the story so that people understand what I was going through,” she said, “but I also don’t want to be a mean girl and throw anyone under the bus because I don’t think that’s right either.”
But following another heated clash between the pair, Roxi made the decision to walk out of the Mansion on Thursday night.
“She was bringing out the worst in me, basically, and it got to a point where I was like, okay, this is not a good environment for me to be in. I’m not coming across the way I want to come across and I’m not being the person that I normally am,” Roxi said.
“By that point, it just wasn’t worth it anymore to stay around,” she added.
Revealing that there was no opportunity to speak to Locky before she left, Roxi said she received a phone call the next day as she was boarding a plane where he attempted to convince her to come back.
“I was like, I can see my bags going on. It’s too late, unfortunately, by that point… I could have been persuaded but, at that point, it was too far gone.
Calling it one of the hardest things she’s had to do, Roxi still said it was hard to say if she made the wrong choice leaving the Mansion.
“A little bit of me does regret walking away because I feel like I could have been there for a bit longer… [but] I think it is for the best that I did leave because I was just turning into a person that I wasn’t happy with.
“It was the best thing I did for myself, and you need to put yourself first sometimes… I’ve second-guessed myself a couple of times, but you’ve just got to do what’s right for you, and that was the right decision for me.”