The War of the Roses - Bowled Over
As we come back into the warm embrace of the Bachelor mansion, Sandra kicks things off by noting the number of ladies is getting smaller and smaller and Jacinda noting she’s still getting louder and louder. ZING. While Sandra is super eager for some alone time with Sam – us too Sandra, us too – the first date of the evening goes to Nina!
Nina, four and a half years single, meets Sam down by the water, but today, don’t expect Sailor Sam to hit the high seas, as it’s Leather Bachadero who has turned up ready to whisk Nina away. As they cruise Sydney’s iconic harbour, Bachadero points to the Harbour Bridge and says something about climbing it and something about a WORLD RECORD. No big deal.
After she spent hours getting ready, Nina is a little bit miffed about wearing a grey bridge-climbing onesie, but she sucks it up like a champ and before long is giving it to Bachadero for being a wuss for his fear of heights.
Back at the mansion, Rachel is worried about not having spent any time with Bachie and fails to score a date again, while Jasmin looks less than pleased when reading out Heather’s name on the date card.
As Sam and Nina make it to the top of the bridge, Osher and a trusty time keeper are waiting for them. Turns out, in order to spend time alone with the Bachelor, Nina will have to break a Guiness World Record: an attempt at the Longest On-Screen TV Kiss. As a previous Bach in the US has taken this out, we feel swells of Aussie pride when Nina agrees to the attempt and the pair start to get it on.
While voiceovers from Nina and Sam tell us how natural it all feels and how much chemistry they have, those of us watching at home start shifting awkwardly on the couch after watching two people have at it for TWO MINUTES STRAIGHT NOW. Not even a flashback to the house tears us away, as screen-in-screen keeps us abreast of the on-bridge action. At the three-minute mark we all become de-sensitised and Sam and Nina push on until it all comes to an end at 4.10 minutes and we all take a cold shower and pour a stiff drink.
Finally we’re off the bridge and into a harbourside boudoir. Sam’s had a hose down and Nina has had the chance to change out of her onsie and into a hot dress. All the lipservice seems to have worked well for Nina who opens up about her family and “particularly after our pash”, Sam thinks his co-record holder has earnt a rose. On Nina’s return to the house, Snezana seems genuinely happy for her friend, while Heather takes the news of the world record kiss like a bullet.
GROUP DATE! And we’re off to Sydney Olympic Park, the sacred home of some our best recent sporting memories. In honour of these memories, the Bachelorettes are dressed in shorts, high socks and shoved in a big bubble. Sandra screams her way onto the pitch and for the remainder of the highly-competitive and highly-hilarious game.
While it was fairly neck and neck, the Green Team, consisting of Ebru, Bec, Jasmin and Sandra took it out and won themselves a Mexican fiesta alone with the Bach.
Aboard the festive cruise, a piñata takes a flying swing overboard, and we discover that most of the Green Team wish Sandra would head the same way. Instead she finally gets her alone time with Sam. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for!
The Sandra and Sam one-on-one has been a long time coming and she delivers…to a point. Cutting Sam off, laughing at her own jokes and calling herself a “Group Date Groupie”, the Sandra dial is high, but not at 100 as we had all hoped.
At the cocktail party, Emily shows us her funny side telling us Sandra’s laugh is the sound “that keeps her up at night,” before moving on to alone time with Sam. Could this be the moment Emily finally makes her move? Hmmm…no, but we’re sensing an Emily date soon.
Emily returns to the group letting them know it’s all about fireworks and not friendship with Sam. When Heather’s gag reflex kicks in and she departs, the girls are convinced that it’s just one more indication she and Bach have nothing but bro-time happening.
For those of us watching along at home, we get to see Heather and Bach share alone time where it’s clear these two are more than just bros. They confirm this with each other by looking at the floor and telling each other they like-like the other one. Like, for real.
At the rose ceremony, the final three includes our favourite narrator, Jacinda. Surely she can’t be going anywhere, can she?