War of the Roses - The Recovery Episode
After last night’s epic episode, the whole nation needed a stiff drink and a lie down to handle all the romance and drama of The Bach III premiere. When we join the Bachelorettes in the kitchen, it looks like they feel the same way. It’s ok beautiful Bachelorettes, we’re all going to get through this together. Except for probably Sandra and Reshael who are still not talking after both being involved in Sandra’s make-believe fight.
The tensions may already be high, but they’re about to get worse when Osher enters the mansion. Despite being dressed casually, he means business, pulling out The Bachelor golden ticket: the first single date card. Several girls tell us how they would like to go on the date, but the lucky winner is yoga on the grass lady, Sarah. Naturally, she can’t wait and competition becomes fierce from those not selected.
When we first see Bach himself, he’s casually making an entrance on a luxury yacht called the Raggamuffin 100. While Sarah climbs aboard, a bubbling gaggle of Bachelorettes watch from afar on the mansion balcony. While Madeleine’s heart sinks as the boat “swims off”, Nina exposes her grade A stalking skills by pulling out a pair of binoculars. OMG they’re holding hands already.
As the main sail sets and someone cuts a jib somewhere, Sam lets Sarah and us know that he’s pretty much a sailor. From Tasmania. A handsome sailor from down south. Pretty soon, it’s hands and hair everywhere on the high seas.
Back at the mansion, the group date card arrives. Joni reads out the names and the country rejoices as Reshael’s first cab off the rank. Heather looks shocked when her name is read out, and as Emily’s eye cuts daggers across the lawn. About a million more names are read out including Emily and, most exciting for us, Sandra.
Meanwhile back on Raggamuffin, Sarah and Sam have some down time where they discuss how Sarah’s dream of connecting with who she thinks was the Bachelor lead to her being on the show. While Sam’s Martin Luther King comment falls on deaf ears, Sarah recalls that she could remember dream man’s eyes! Which opens the way for Sam’s first compliment: “You’ve got amazing eyes.” Smooth, Sam. Smooth.
Eleven girls, one man and modeling. Tonight’s photo shoot group date shouldn’t get ugly at all. After Sam arrives in a red sports car, the Bachelorettes are divvied up into various film inspired shoots. While there are some obvious overreactions to the roles they’re playing, no one’s response is more over the top than Sandra’s. And the audience is pleased. While Sandra acts like a woman possessed by a cheerleader, tomboy Tess looks for any escape, serving up the quote of the evening: “I’m in a Woman’s Day murder scene. Please fuzz out my face, I beg you.” And to round out the announcements, Emily gets handed the money shot: a one-on-one with Sam in a hands on pottery scene.
As Snez’s hotness on-set ruffles the feathers of on-looking Bachelorettes, poor old Madeleine is all limbs as she tries to figure out what draping is while hanging over Sam and his sports car.
Moving right along, filmmaker Heather takes centre stage whilst Bec and Krystal get nudged to the side, a situation duly noted by Emily and Jasmin who were perched on a balcony behind them. Flash to Emily pretty much telling us that she hates Heather and we all instantly pick a side in our heads.
In the biggest scene of the day, Sandra prepared for the shoot by practicing her best “grind moves”. Thank you God for this gift. Jasmin is not happy when she is shoved to the back holding a watermelon while Jacinda is brought to the foreground holding onto Sam.
Time for the money shot: Emily and Sam, one pantless, one without shirt, are at the pottery wheel. Emily tells the audience it’s tough being beautiful, but it seems to be working out ok for her as she lures Sam into giving her a kiss on the neck.. While their intimacy is palpable, Jacinda and Heather, start to struggle with the idea of sharing the “dude.”
Jacinda’s anxieties are carried over into the cocktail party, where she breaks our hearts with “I’m too full on for everyone I think…I wouldn’t date me.” As a single tear streams down her face everyone at home tries to figure out a way to reach through the screen and give her a hug.
While Emily’s dislike for Heather now also extends to beer and people who are alternative, Jacinda’s teary moment inside is interrupted by Sam. As she tries to speak and hyperventilate simultaneously, Sam saves the day with a pep talk that involves eggs and hurricanes.
Rose time! And it’s farewell to three ladies tonight…