Neighbours London Week: A Relationship Counsellor's Perspective

Toadie’s flight has landed on the Heathrow tarmac and he’s carrying more baggage than he checked in with. The Dee sitch is the glistening cherry that sits atop layers of relationship problems.

Our heads are spinning and our stomachs are sinking. Something terrible is about to happen. How did we get here? The tenplay counsellor comments

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

It could be argued the trouble really began with the surrogacy. That’s when Sonya and Mark started to behave like crazy people. In light of Toadie’s fertility problems, Sonya’s offer to become a surrogate for Steph and Mark seemed more desperate than generous.

The counsellor says: Sonya, who do you really want to have this baby for? Eh?

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

Steph backed out of the surrogacy when Mark became obsessive about Sonya. But it was too late. Sonya doesn’t believe in the morning after pill, and gets pregnant really quickly. Steph tried to communicate how insecure Mark was making her feel in their relationship, but he was all like, “What? Sonya has a nosebleed?”

The counsellor says: Mark, you have only yourself to blame for Steph running off with your fertility doctor. It’s amazing they let emotionally unintelligent people like you into the police force.

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

There were three in the bed and Toadie said, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. Because even Steph leaving wasn’t enough to open Mark’s eyes to the ramifications of toe-stepping.

The counsellor says: Respectful distance, Mark. Try keeping it.

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

With Steph gone, Sonya decides that Mark isn’t capable of being a single dad, and that she’ll basically be the baby’s mum. Mark is ecstatic, Toadie not so much, but he’s running around after Fake Dee and Fake Daughter and hasn’t got any legs left for standing on.

The counsellor says: you were probably going to do that anyway, Sonya. Oh and by the way, this is becoming an increasingly hostile and dysfunctional situation.

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

Meanwhile Fake Dee is laughing maniacally as she chips away at the cracks in an increasingly unstable marriage. She wants more than money, she wants Toadie. She’s gazing at her replica wedding ring, referring to herself as Dee in the presence of people who know she’s not Dee, and recalling memories of her and Toadie’s life together, that aren’t her memories because she’s not Dee. And then she makes a blatant grab for Toadie’s heart and pants.

The counsellor: *hits a button and calls for the orderlies*

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

At this point, things are bad, but then something’s not right with the baby. Mark and Sonya decide to keep that to themselves and resume hanging around together in secret and lying about it to the only remaining partner in their weird relationship – Toadie.

The counsellor says: maybe it’s time to reflect on the circumstances that drove Steph into the arms of another woman.

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

Toadie is the victim in all this. His wife is having another man’s baby, that man won’t go home, he’s been tricked into believing his first wife has returned from the dead, and that he has a teenage daughter, who he’s begun to love, and they’ve taken off with his money and left him with nothing but a teenager’s cryptic hand-written apology.

The counsellor says: This is a very turbulent and confusing time for you, Toadie. Advise careful treading and refrain from making any rash decisions that you may sorely regret.

Neighbours, 2017, channel eleven

A side observation: Paige and Father (of Paige's baby) Jack are handling the consequences of their scandalous relationship with aplomb.

Neighbours’ London week starts 6.30 tonight on ELEVEN