She’s The Shortbread Slayer
On the surface, Alice is the quintessential nanny. She’ll wash those smelly jocks and wipe up all that baby vomit, and she’ll do it with a (borderline psychotic) smile on her face. She’s also hiding one scrumptious little secret – she’s on the run after having slayed an entire country town with her famous (arsenic-laced) shortbread bikkies.
She plans to kill off everyone’s favourite neighbourhood before making her way across the Tasman to target the Kiwis.
Watch out Susan, those cookies may be the best thing you’ve ever put in your mouth, but they could also be the last!
She Wants To Live Out Her Fran Fine Fantasy
Alice is weirdly obsessed with ‘90s sitcom The Nanny and has decided it’s time to live out her ultimate Fran Fine from Flushing fantasy (say it fast!). She has absolutely no real nannying experience, but figures it can’t be that hard.
She’s going to seduce Toadie with her high-pitched nasal laugh and skimpy outfits, and fatten up Sonia Babcock with delicious baked goods. Toadie will eventually ditch Sonia and kick her out on her fanny, procreate with the extremely fertile Alice Fine, and have a set of fraternal twins.
She’s Actually Andrea In Disguise
Andrea has finally escaped that asylum in Tassie and jumped on the next Jetstar flight to Melbourne, with a short bob wig, face mask and a few bottles of dark rum in her handbag. She plans on kidnapping baby Hugo (is it really kidnapping if it’s her own son? Spose it is if you’re mentally deranged) and will also snatch Nell for good measure as a big F-YOU to Sonia.
She WAS pretty good at convincing Toadie that she was a walking dead woman, so this plan may actually work.
She’s Training Kirsha To Be The Assassinator
Ever wondered why Kirsha always goes MIA? Well, turns out she’s being held hostage by Alice in a secret dungeon under Shane and Dipi’s house.
Every night at 8pm, after she’s put the rugrats to bed, Alice goes next door and sneaks into the dark, Harry Potteresque-sized room (that probably reeks of Shane’s pre-processed tinkle) and brainwashes Kirsha into destroying the entire Rebecchi family, especially that homewrecker Sonia who ruined her daughter Andrea’s chances of being with her one true love – the Toadster.
