Here are our thoughts and reactions to watching the finale of Bachelor In Paradise
1. Oh look, it’s Osh! The man knows how to pull off a mauve suit
2. Jules, you’re an unemployed 24-year-old living in your mamma’s basement and there’s a smoking hot girl sitting in front of you, wanting to pursue a relationship. TAKE. THE. OPPORTUNITY!
3. Alisha: “I need to ask – before you leave Paradise, you’re not gonna give me anything more substantial than we are friends?”
Jules: “Me no compute”
4. “I was just tryna be friendly, man” WHY DOES THIS DESCRIBE OUR DATING LIFE?!
5. Did Jules think this show was called ‘Finding Friends in Paradise’ or…?
6. Not gonna lie, Alisha talking about catching a flight to Canada to meet Geppetto as Jules walked back into the room is GOLD!
7. Did Jules SERIOUSLY just tell Alisha he didn’t know what the ultimatum was, and he didn’t understand the question? We…. We just can’t with this manchild
8. “I’m electing not to emotionally pursue you” is basically the clapback of the entire season and will now use this on all the f**kbois and gals
9. Why is this show playing montages of each couple’s journey when they know full well we’ve spent every night sitting on the couch with a giant tub of ice cream judging their every move?
10. Sweet baby Jeebus, Nathan and Tenille would have beautiful children
11. Tenille telling Nathan “I’m not sick of you yet!” is super cute now, but bets are in years’ time she’ll be threatening to break up with him because he left the toilet seat up again
12. Awww Alex is in love!
13. Davey saying he and Flo didn’t “utilize the time” from their overnight is codeword for “I fell asleep by nine after too many champagnes”
14. Still laughing over “I’M NOT LIT AF EVERY WEEKEND”
15. OH OH OH! We’ve got our first ring of the Finale! And it’s from Alex!
16. Ok but why does Bill sound like he’s trying to read off a cue card placed in the far, far distance?
17. T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!
18. AWWW HE LOVES HER. GO BILL! You better not break her heart! Seriously. We will find you in that Melbourne dog park and we will throw dog sh*t at you
19. Where does Osher get all these fabulous suits from?! What a vision
20. There they are. Australia’s hottest couple. Honestly, it’s not even fair
21. We aren’t even listening to what they are saying because they are seriously good look- WAIT. Did Nathan just put a commitment ring on Tenille’s pinky finger?? What in the world??
22. Wait, and now Tenille has put her commitment ring on Nathan’s pinky finger. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN??? We’re so confused
23. Is Flo really gonna dump Davey – the guy she couldn’t stop thinking about for the past YEAR – on national telly??
24. Oh s**t, you can pinpoint the moment when Davey’s heart breaks in two. He literally had a commitment ring ready and everything!
25. Goddamn, we shipped these two so hard! WHY GOD WHY?!
26. You know the friendship is legit when Davey tells Flo he won’t block her on Instagram like last time. LOL
27. Poor Davey. Not one, but THREE trips into Paradise and he still leaves without a gal by his side.
28. Ok well that’s done. Time to reassess our meaningless lives again